by Lanette Tooley

Created on: August 10, 2007

Foster children were once considered "throw away" children. Maybe in some areas they still are. Unable for whatever reason to live with their birth families, they often come into the system with their worldly possessions in a garbage bag, thrust into a home where they usually don't know anyone and they are expected to not only be happy to be safe but to also comply immediately with new rules, new surroundings and new ways of doing things. A bit much to expect in our society's young, don't you think?

If you are a foster parent, hopefully you are doing it for the right reasons. You truly care about children and making their lives better. You want to give them a good home with good role models until, again hopefully, they can be returned to their biological family. You want to love and nurture this child and help them heal from whatever abuses they have suffered or from whatever "adults only" issues they may have witnessed. If you are this type of foster parent, you will do everything within your power to help the child feel comfortable and at home with you and your family.

If the child is new to foster care, hopefully the worker will have paved the way while bringing the child to you. The worker will have talked to you about your rules, expectations for the child, where he or she will go to school if of school age as well as what the child can expect from the worker and the new family. After all, it is the worker who will be attending to all the child welfare issues while you tend to the day-to-day issues such as food, clothing, doctor/dentist appointments.

Once the child enters your home, don't inundate him or her with questions. Remember, he is more than likely going to be very angry and upset. Emotions are probably running very high and, above all else, he is scared to death. He doesn't know what is in store for him. He only knows that he has been abused in some form or fashion and he has no idea if you are going to do the same things as his previous perpetrator. Wouldn't any adult feel apprehensive in such a situation? How can we expect a child to react in any way different? Make the child feel as though he is a welcome addition to your family.

Have some sort of snack ready. Anything you think the child may like would be appropriate. If you are in the middle of fixing a meal, allow the child to express whether or not he is hungry or if there is something different he would like to have while at the same time letting the child know that for future meals he will

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