by Mardie Carr 

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Created on: October 04, 2007

Once addicted, always addicted? That's debatable. I was a needle junkie, meth, my preferred drug. Tried cocaine, got mean. Tried heroin, got sicker than a dog. Did a little weed. But if given a choice and they put a line out for me, it would have been meth. A spoon, a 'stick', a little cotton, a lighter and I was ready.

It's hard to believe I have been clean for 10 years this December. I had a boyfriend/husband get me connected. I learned to cook it but that has changed so much I can't remember where to start. Don't want to either. Preferred the finished product to how to make it.

I had help from my daughter. She was my strong support. I had no crutch. I quit cold turkey. I was living with my mom on her farm, and every day when I came in from work, she would be in my face to see if I had been smoking. She'd yank my arms around looking for needle tracks. I was trying to stay clean but an obsessive mother was not what I needed. My car was in the shop getting ready for license inspection and I had to use her truck to drive the 45 miles each way for work. And at $5.50 an hour all I was doing was paying for gas.

I worked on a hog farm and the water pump that supplied the animals with water broke down. So we were hauling buckets of water into all the farrowing houses and breeding barns. It was a long hard week. In payment, the farm owner took all the employees out for a steak dinner and beverage of choice. I had a beer. Big deal. Never been much of a drinker after loosing 2 cousins in drunk driving accidents, their fault.

I had told my mother that I was going to be late getting home because of the dinner. And her selective hearing kicked in. She didn't hear me. I got in about 9pm and she started in on 20 questions. And I wasn't answering her fast enough. She got in my face, pulled my face down to her nose and smelled my breath. And yanked my shirt sleeve up looking for needle tracks. I looked at her and said "Yes, I had a beer with dinner, you got a problem with that." 'She said, "You didn't tell me what your plans were." And I had told her twice. About that time I got a phone call from one of my old 'friends' and he wanted me to come back and help him get things set up again. I told him, "No, I'm out of it and won't be back." He told me he'd make it worth my while. And I told him no and hung up.

My mom was standing just inside the door, eavesdropping. I can't remember what she said, but it was derogatory. And I turned on her and told her she didn't have to worry about

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